My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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