so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
