I'm going to rape someone's good day.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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