Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Boobs speak an international language.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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