I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We need a shit load of segways right now
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
