I can't watch pbs sober anymore
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize