i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize