your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
