Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
