Soap is not a condiment
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
