Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
