Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
