Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
