How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
