ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just blew my weed a kiss
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
