I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
