I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
