What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
