Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
