Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
