Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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