I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
