Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
