I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
