You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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