If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
