He had one of those small greek statue penises
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
