he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
