New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
