I should be sponsored by Trojan
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
