he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My ATM looks so different sober.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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