Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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