I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
