I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Blow job season was short but glorious.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
