If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
