he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
