No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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