My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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