ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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