I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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