Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
there is glitter all over my balls
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
