Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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