I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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