If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
