I hate all girls vehemently.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
