my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
