My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I supernannyed him into submission
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
