He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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