He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
