would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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