I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize