i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
