yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
