Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
