This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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