spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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