I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i love accidental penises.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
