Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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