I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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