I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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