I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
