He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
