dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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