Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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