in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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