hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
