I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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