I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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