mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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