Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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