Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
