so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
