woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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