i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I have post one night stand depression
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
