she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize